Where did we leave off last, oh yes, new beginnings; this week marked the first week of the second session of classes. I have now begun my 302 level of Arabic studies here in Amman, Jordan. Other than that this week has passed by without relatively much happenings in my life. Another night in a café saying goodbye to friends, another week of long days and long nights filled with massive amounts of homework. The most interesting thing that happened may have been the weather and that is not saying much when the change was a few more clouds today and a dip into the upper 70’s.
There are many things that are going on in my life that are worth much thought and deliberation but I will refrain from mentioning them here. The ongoing crisis in the region is something that requires much thought and discernment over these coming days and weeks until I return home. For now, I will keep those opinions to myself in respect to the people who are reading this across the region and the world who all hold varied and deeply held beliefs on the conflicts in Lebanon, Syria, Iraq, Gaza and Egypt. I pray for the safety of those who have managed to flee these conflict zones as well as those who have not. I ask that we all keep those who are suffering, especially the innocent bystanders of war in our thoughts and in our prayers. These are the people who are swept into the way of harm and are the ones we need to be the most aware of. I am so incredibly thankful to be safe with my family here in Amman. Safety and security are things I often take for granted back at home. I will no longer view those things as givens but as gifts that need to be cherished. Please, as you go about your daily lives think about those who suffer, I am constantly reminded that no more than 100 miles away from me people are in desperate need of help, the least we all can provide them is the dignity of keeping them in our thoughts.
The other topic that I wanted to touch on is the trend I have noticed in my own life while being here. The phrase that most encompasses my experiences so far, “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you’re not in Jordan…” Often this is used as a joke during my moments of social or cultural faux pas that happen almost on a daily basis here, from miscommunications in Arabic into English or vice versa, foods you have never seen, spices your stomach doesn’t agree with, heat that your body simply can’t take. All of these things make you uncomfortable. Life here is never fully comfortable. With every passing day it gets easier and easier but at the same time some things about language and culture will always manage to escape my grasp. I will forever be the new kid at the table, the one who doesn’t fit in, the one who wore red on the day everyone was supposed to wear green. Here I stick out like a sore thumb and although I am working on speaking the language and minding my Arabic P’s and Q’s, I will never truly fit in here. Accepting this fact has played out in many ways in my life. The small things no longer worry me like being a few minutes late, not eating what I want to eat, how much time I have to sleep, whether this blog post will be completed on time every week. Things hold less weight to me that ever before. I worry about being relatively healthy, managing to stay alive and well. Consistently focusing on the larger picture of life. Life is much more about the people and the experiences than the things you collect along the way. If I have learned nothing else from this trip I have learned to let go. Let go of my worries, my anxieties, my stress and my inhibitions. Life will all come to an end one day and is it worth it to say that you struggled your whole life to follow a one-track mindset just to end up on the other side, exhausted and alone, with nothing to hold onto because we all know you can’t take your souvenirs from Jordan with you. “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you’re not in Jordan…” that is a life lesson I will never forget, when faced with things much larger than yourself you accept the awkwardness and being uncomfortable because there is simply no other way around it.
An example this is cab rides. Never get in a silver cab. They cost double the price and the cab drivers usually wont give you change. After attempting to hail a cab in the dark for a few minutes a silver cab pulls up and I immediately dart back into our group of friends pretending I didn’t try and hail a cab. They laughed and immediately pushed me back out to talk to the driver, after apologizing profusely and him attempting to ensure me a good rate I finally bid him goodnight and he sped off angrily. Again, a situation clearly awkward, clearly not a good image on myself, the cab driver more than likely drove away muttering something about stupid Americans but alas, “If it doesn’t make you uncomfortable, you’re not in Jordan…”
I will finish this short but direct blog post with a series of pictures taken of me sleeping over the first month of being here. Although I have tried to seize the moment while being here sometimes you must take time to rest. Even if that rest is in the most awkward of places…
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